How running my first marathon, post kids, didn't feel like I expected.

I was a runner in high school. Then began running in my late twenties because of the place I worked. As I increased my distance and increased my pace I was lucky enough to qualify for Boston after two marathons. Training was hard, but running was enjoyable and I felt good. I even went to South Korea and ran a marathon there, my fastest ever, at 3:22.22. Then children came. Then reality hit. 

Besides discussing all the hurdles I had while training (that will be its own post) I just wanted to quickly share some of the thoughts I had during the race, some I had after, and how I plan to move forward as a runner. 

• Will I pee my pants? Not going to lie around mile 21 I had a moment of panic. Turns out I was able to run a whole marathon with my lady parts staying inside and not wetting myself. People without kids may laugh, but you wait till kids. 
• Am I really this slow? My brain couldn't comprehend that I was running this slow. My body on the other hand was giving it all it had.  
• Do I really get this much time without my kids? As I was running I was thinking about how I could count on one hand the amount of times I've been away from the kids. Running this slow had a positive spin, it was the longest kid free break I had that year.
• Can I do this? I can't do this. Wait I am actually doing this? Throughout the race I kept wanting to quit and didn't. I feel like motherhood makes you a warrior. I refused to quit. A younger version of myself would of quit. But pain is relative right? Compare to giving birth this was all mental pain. I just kept pushing.
• It was my slowest race of my life, but almost the one I'm most proud of.  
• Having my kids see me run past (even though my son cried when I had to go) was one of the greatest moments of my life.  
• Crossing the finish line brought me to tears.  I just couldn't believe I actually ran the whole thing. I was embarrassed to say my time, but I couldn't believe I ran it all. That after having two babies I could still run that distance. 

Things I thought after the marathon  

• I need to make running more of a priority. I ran once the month of December. I got sick, my kids got sick and I let running take the backside. Someone once said "if things matter they will be a priority" and it's true.  
• I WILL get faster. It didn't happen as fast as I wanted. I expected to come back race 1 and qualify for Boston.  
• It humbled me. I had always been athletic and had time to train. My training humbled me, I appreciated those women who could do it, and also had to appreciate myself.  
• With my husband's job I will NOT be able to train like other Moms. So many women tried to give me tips about running before he goes to work, not happening, or while my kids nap, which also didn't happen.
• I will train smarter and better. To be honest training for this was a shit show. I need to add cross training, such as yoga, and need to do all my training sessions. Hard lesson to learn 
• I can only get faster.  
• Running will get fun again. I'll be honest. I never understood why people hated running until this marathon. I get it now. Lol.  
• I can't wait to do a race as a family. This is what running is all about. Doing healthy things as a family. My kids did race that weekend, but I look forward to them doing a 5 k with me.  
• I may never be as good a runner as I once was, and that's okay. Hard pill to swallow, but also true. And I have to remember why I started running in the first place, because of the people I race and I truly do love it.  

I'll keep everyone posted on my running in the future and my training plans I will follow. To those Mom's out there trying to get back at it, keep going! 

So I will shout it out that my slowest marathon by almost an hour and a half was the Disney marathon and I ran it in 4:47 minutes!!!!!!!! Not proud, but also so proud!